It's Over

Probably didn't get a National Score. Probably passed with Certified score, but who knows. I know a lot about beer, but I didn't do a very good job taking the test. You have to KNOW and be READY. There's always next time.

Time to get on with life!

Time to have a beer, without much critical thought or consideration.

The Eve of the Big Test

Tomorrow morning is the big Beer Judge Certification Program test. Three hours of writing. Ten questions. Four beers. This is the culmination of 14 weeks of tasting, studying, reading, brewing. I am so tired of all this. Tomorrow it will stop - after noon.

It feels like my whole life is on hold. Well actually, it is, I have delayed/subverted a whole bunch of stuff to make lots of time to get this thing right.

It has been a LONG time since I went through testing like this. Sixteen years in fact. After thinking about it, I realized that you have to do it this way, because no one in their right mind would be this obsessed with beer for the last 14 weeks to learn this much. Now the brewing world will have at least one more Real Beer evangalist, and card carrying member.

Even after all this, I probably love beer even more than before.

Uptown Cruise

Just got back from lunch at the Lotus in Uptown. Took the Single Raleigh. Yesterday I got it tweaked at the Bike Depot. Front brake, headset, bottom bracket, rear wheel bearings. I added a new rear brake, but did not get the handle on yet. Tweaked!

What a fun ride! The sun is shining, and the wind is warm. So fast and tight. That's the ride.

Life is just so good, and the single speed makes is that much better.

The Ride

I was in the car today, driving on an old route. It was the way I took to the girl's, when my heart was pounding, and my steps were light. The nights were hot and the love was so good. 35w to 35st exit, straight on to Colfax, take a right...

So many times I drove that route. So many nights in Linden Hills. So filled with love, so connected.

It wasn't all that tonight. The mission was to drop off home brew for a friend's 50th. It's just down the street from the ex's boyfriends - her boyfriend when we were together, not now. (Don't ask)

Love is there, a different love, people in my life that have been there and will be there. Riders. Colleagues. Piers. Giants of human compassion and emotion. Like me.

I'm home now, and out of the car. Time to ride. Back to the 50th. Back to my peeps.

The Understatement

It sometimes happens that a German Catholic man can't think of a single reason to be hard on himself, but instead chooses to be completely Pleased and Delighted with himself under all circumstances.

Mission Accomplished

After 7 months, I finally have caught up on two long-overdue invoices. What is up with that? Why would I work for months, and then stop short of invoicing so I can get paid for all that work?

Fear of success? Do I need to stay poor to be happy? After 7 months, you can guess the size of the total. No more being poor.

Deep inside lies an incredible procrastinating power that defies reason or logic. I'd really like to know what fear fuels that behavior. It's just incredible for me to fathom, because I don't feel it. Well, I don't feel it in my scared conscious brain, it's all in that damned monkey brain that really runs most of the show.

It just seems so unlike me, or at least the me I am trying to be.

I am beat today. That big ride yesterday has left me drained. I rode to get my taxes, just an easy 10 mile round trip to loosen those legs up. The single speed got the call, but a giant head wind made the ride not-so-fun after all. Just a little too beat.

Saddle Time

Easter. Time to go see the family of origin and celebrate one of the most confused holidays of the year. Jesus and the Easter Bunny.

With weather like the last few days, the obvious plan was to make the round trip by bicycle. It's 29 miles one way according to goggle, but that's via the highway. I was on a pretty direct route on the LRT trail, so the mileage was a little shorter than that, but not much.

What do you think about for 2.5 hours of riding time each way?

deception
being lied to
losing your trust
feeling isolated

The ramifications of last year's events are overwhelming me today. I placed my trust in someone to share their life with me. I shared my life with her. To realize that is was a sham from the day we walked in the door together. To know that every day was a performance, a deception.

Why would someone want to live that life? What could be gained? That's the marketer in me trying to analyze the situation. The shrink would ask 'What did that give that person, what did they need?'

I'm not that person, so I can't answer these question. In fact, I don't actually know that person. I just spent time with their scripted character. Any guess I would venture would be based on the facade of who she tried to be. One thing does remain. It feels so good to be away from all that.

Tonight I'm a little farther away from it all, and it feels good to be tired from a long ride.

Vampire Level III

OK, so this is not the only thing going on in my life, but it's the easiest to write about because it's what's on my mind at midnight when my mind starts pumping rather than shutting down for the night.

It's definitely not my mind's fault. I just got back from the wingman's house where I had a Jack and Apple juice and a PBR. Now I'm home and a little hungry, and I end up with a bowl of venison sausage medallions, mashed potatoes and a salad. (Hungry people should never be allowed to cook for themselves) After a meal like that, who can sleep?

The wingman's advise - go out and get a strong drink. Except I don't like drinks, I like beer. So I should go have a beer, except that beer class is putting me into constant drinking mode and I need some days and nights off. It sucks when you can't self-medicate with your drug of choice.

I think when I am ready to start sleeping at night I will. First, there's no one else in that bed begging me to come snuggle. Second, I have tons of projects, pet projects and loafing around to do here on the computer and around the homestead. Third, there are a lot of depression associations with sleep for me, and right now I am really not so depressed. The world is stretched out in front of me. There is soooo much to see and do and feel. Just this morning the Sun greeted me in my bed. Nature's alarm clock. My bedroom and the sun in the morning for 6 months of the year, that's something to be really excited about. It's like finding a shiny quarter in the gutter.

So I dropped the emotional atomic bomb a few days ago. It really seems like overkill in hindsight, but something had to change. I was getting pushed around emotionally. It's a persistent pressure like water torture that is supposed to wear you down. Every day. Every week. Every hour. This pressure for you to be something for someone else, for you to take care of them. It's an eventual nightmare for a catholic boy scout personality.

It's really not my fault, letting things too far. Wait, it is my fault. It's my fault for letting things go to far. This is really clear. Blame goes nowhere but here. I really blew this one. How old an I? When will I learn to not only listen to the little voice, but OBEY? It seems so needless now, I better patch that up a bit. Time to eat some crow. Again.

Vampire eradication time. That's all for tonight!